#Opportunity

There are a lot of Mars Rover images out there, but this is the one I saw first:

Like everyone else on the Internet, I teared up. Like everyone else on the Internet, I thought at first that this was a literal last message from Opportunity – that someone at NASA had built human language, or at least this phrase, into the Rover’s communication settings. I loved that idea – and even when I realized I was wrong, and this was a great if unintentional poetic phrasing by a journalist, the baseline concept stayed with me: that even when we don’t admit it, even when we don’t acknowledge we’re doing it, we build a little bit of human into the non-human creatures we create.

Because of course we do.

How could we not?

Goodnight, dear #Opportunity. Goodnight.

2019.01.27

Have spent the morning re-reading some of my old writing – I’d planned to pull together poems for Coastside but have done this instead.

Some of it – the essays, the various topics, even my old time management book, even a few fiction fragments – is better than I’d thought!

Not sure what this tells me. Right now I’m coming back to writing stuff about once a week; this amount of time seems possible, but I wonder if I’m losing time to having to remind myself what I’ve already got.

I’ve also got writing scattered across two locations: my Mac, often in Scrivener, and the cloud, largely in txt files. At one point I loved Scrivener’s UI loveliness, and its flexibility of options appealed to me – but at this point in time I’m more in the realm of txt files, and their straightforward structure. This feels like a throwback to when I first wrote on computers, pulling together high school essays on my Dad’s old Victor 9000s with the green glowing screens and the heavy whirring floppy drives. Formatting things to print was a pain but the focus on the text was deep and fun. I miss that green.

More recently, I miss my old tiny Chromebook, with its clicky keyboard and its throwaway sturdiness. There’s a certain irony to finding common experience between text files on a pre-Windows desktop, and txt files in Drive – but that’s what I’m doing.

2018 -> 2019

2018 was tough. In pretty much every aspect of life except work, 2018 was full, it was difficult, it was a headache and a pain both emotionally and physically and logistically (yeah, I know, that’s more things than ‘both.’ Too bad). I don’t know when I’ve ever spent so much time scheduling, and I hate scheduling. And scheduling was when I got a handle on things.

Some of the full was good. I travelled to Australia, and Tokyo, and Tel Aviv, and New Mexico, and New York (twice). At home, the avocado tree didn’t die. The deer in the yard are more used to me, and watch me cautiously instead of fleeing. There’s a red-shouldered hawk that’s taken to hanging out on the fence or cedar (cypress? I can never remember) tree. The house remodel, awful though it is, did start, and make progress. There’s now a ceiling light in the master bedroom, among other things. I published my first poem (thank you, Modern Haiku!) and was invited to be a featured reader at Coastside Poetry (coming up in February – thank you, Coastside!). And there’s work: work was a bonus this year. I joined a team I love. I took on new responsibilities I’m excited about. Plus I just like it. Work right now is, and throughout 2018 has been, my calm and happy place. I’m almost inexpressibly grateful for and excited about that.

In 2018, my goals were simple. Trust my energy. Find some whitespace. Get comfortable with uncertainty. Follow some patterns that work for me (morning planning, meditation, flow). That worked… okay-ish. I liked the idea of not having set goals, but I also often felt scattered and reactive, and until I sat down to think it over at the end of the year, I didn’t have any sense of progress. Plus I don’t like meditation; my notions of whitespace were vague; and the need for scheduling that is simply a side effect of travel house remodel new work responsibilities felt antithetical to uncertainty. By the end of the year, I’d taken on a ‘one day at a time’ approach that seemed to work; realized I want more of an ongoing sense of progress; and thanks to an ‘ack’ moment involving a favorite dress not fitting, realized I have a serious need for more fitness.

On to 2019!

#planning #goals

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